Agreeing to Disagree

It's a subject I usually am very good at. I'll admit that I'm stubborn and opinionated, but I can agree to disagree lol. I could put lots of examples up, but it's all besides the point.. and I don't have much time (am taking a soda break).

Anyways, I have this one friend that we used to be able to do this (I'm going to call her friend a for clarification)... but somewhere along the line something happened (I'm not sure what honestly) and any time we disagreed it became a taboo subject. Not easy for me because I tend to be blunt about something if I feel strongly about it lol.

There's also a lot of back-history w/ this same friend... most of it I wonder if could have been solved if we'd talked about things, but part of me thinks any one of them would have ended the friendship. I'm not sure why... but it's just a feeling I have. It's something I'm still worried about, especially now.

I can't continue w/out switching gears at this point and telling you the story I mentioned yesterday about the other friend (friend b).

We met my first year of college. We weren't close but had a lot of the same friends. I didn't see him much for the next few years, but he became friends w/ my next group of friends (the first set left right away) and we ended up talking agian quite a bit. After I graduated we ended up talking even more and became pretty good friends.

Three summers ago things changed. Part of it was me dating my husband... I was preoccupied lol. The other part of it was the fact that Israel and Lebanon were at war. He's been going to Israel for years and has a blind spot towards them... and our family is Lebanese. I don't if that had any part in him not calling or talking much to me, but I was afraid if the subject came up one of us would piss the other off. I remember talking to friend a about this and I don't really remember her responce, only that it was kind of a vague agreement.

A few months later my husband proposed... So obviously I was busy w/ wedding plans. One of them was a website that I set up for family and friends to see what was going on w/ plans and everything. I gave everyone the address, including friend b. I got on one day to find a very sweet comment left from him. Only problem was that he wrote it in Hebrew. My husband and I sat down and discussed what to do about it. I know friend b meant well (although how he could have thought that was appropriate is beyond me) but neither of us were comfortable leaving it considering the circumstances. Especially when many of our friends and family members reading this were still worried about loved ones still over there.

Anyways, right or wrong, we decided to delete the comment and send him a nice email explaining why we needed to do it. I tried to be as polite as possible... Maybe we should have just deleted it and not said anything (although I think that would have been taking the cowards way out), maybe we should have left it (I still don't see how we could have), I don't know... Like I said, I tried to be as nice as possible. I thanked him for the blessing. I explained the circumstances. Apologized. Everything...

And in responce I got, "I'm sorry your family is Lebanese"

Before I go any farther let me say that he did apologize after I responded to that email. I don't remember my first responce, other than that I toned it down a lot from what I wanted to say at that point. I was so offended and hurt. Apparently he was hurt about me taking down the blessing (which I understand) and was lashing out about that when he said it... We ended the exchange on shaky terms, with emails few and far between since. I want to forgive him, and am working on that... but it's something I'm struggeling with. (note: we have recently been talking again to some extent) My husband on the other hand now hates the guy. Just flat out can't stand him...

When all this happened, of course I told friend a. Now I was expecting her to take sides or stop talking to him... That's rediculous. Not going to happen. But I also wasn't expecting some vague dismissal. She didn't come right out and say it, but came across as if she thought he was right in saying that. Like most everything we disagree on lately, we sidestepped it and went on.

Since then friend b moved to Israel and friend a moved overseas as well. She started making plans to go visit him over Christmas awhile back. During one of our phone conversations she mentioned it and I said something about while I'd like to go there someday (see where Jesus was born and all the Holy sights especially/mostly) that it won't ever happen. She made some kind of reply about never saying never (which tech is true... I pray circumstances change) which prompted me to explain exactly why we can't go over there, or don't want to risk it rather. Instead of trying to re-explain this I'm going to add a couple videos that explains much better than I ever could. I'm not saying this would necessarily happen... but we don't want to take the chance.




So obviously I'm not putting myself through that... or worse my children.

Once again I got a vague unbelieving response. I left it at that... its her choice. I pray she doesn't learn the hard way.

Then Christmas comes, she heads over there... and this whole Gaza thing happens. Obviously we avoid talking about it (although I did mass email out a blog post I read about Israel attacking a civilian mercy ship written by a journalist)... but she brought up again the subject of how I should go over there. I referenced again that I will not put us through that and won't go until/unless things change and she said she understood (this is on im so I have no idea what tone it was given in... I hope/hoped it was sincere. That conversation happened just before she left.

Not a day later I get a mass email she sent out... Without going into much detail, she made it clear that she believes that Israel is in the right w/ what is going on right now. Everyone that has seen this email (that I've talked to anyways) is flabbergasted by what she said. It was just awful. I don't want to go deeper into this because I'm going to get upset all over again... and I had enough of that yesterday. Lets just say that it left me very disappointed. She should know better. She has the potential, every opportunity to know better. And instead she's spreading hate and disguising it as truth. The only upside is that she did ask for everyone to pray.

Anyways, obviously I had a hard time with this. I asked for advice on how to handle it, because it was beyond me. It really left me shaken. One rational person said something about just responding with how we'll have to agree to disagree. I can't believe I didn't think of it myself (probably because I was so upset). I'll admit I did also add a bit to that, but just that I have the information if she is ever interested. I have no idea how she will take that, or how she did if she's already read it. Time will tell.

Edit to add... I did get a response that was very polite.