Have I mentioned that I hate the cry room?
Seriously I do. I don't like to throw the word hate around loosely, but it's true. I hate the thing... and the older the baby gets the more problems I have with it.
First off, there are families in there that have absolutely no reason to be in there. Your kid is 8 years old, they are old enough to sit down and behave during Mass! It does not matter if the room is sound proof, it is not appropriate for them to go in there and talk to their other little 8 year old friends.
Now I can understand the families that are trying to teach their kids how to behave. I feel for them... I really do. Especially when my husband riles up your 5 year old twins. He also needs to learn the above mentioned lesson.
Second... (and I will apologize in advance for my language here) If I had taken food into Church when I was a kid I would have gotten my ass beat. (Actually there's no would have, I did for gum once) I'm not talking about the infants that need to nurse or are given a bottle. Obviously that's a need right there. I'm not even talking about a sippy cup of water. I'm talking about cheerios, cheetos, m&m's, pringles, goldfish, sandwiches, so on and so forth.
So many issues w/ this (obviously) that I don't even know where to start. I know toddlers are hard to keep a hold of in there, I do really... and anywhere else and I may consider resorting to bribing her that way too.
But we are supposed to be teaching our kids how to behave during Mass... Remember that whole thing about fasting for an hour before receiving Communion? How are they going to learn this when food is constantly being shoved in their faces throughout the Mass? And what about the ones old enough to receive Communion? I've seen a few of them eating too! Toddler or not, it's not going to hurt them to go an hour w/ out candy. Especially considering we always have food afterwards.
And what about those of us who don't want our children behaving that way? I have to constantly watch for people pulling out candy and pray they don't offer it to her, paying more attention to what's going on around me than why I'm really there. And if they do... then I turn into the bitch who won't let her kid have any and get dirty looks from people around me. I especially don't like when you tell my daughter that it's my fault she can't have it. And... I have to make sure that she doesn't steal any from another kid... which has happened.... and if it does again, please don't tell her that its' ok after I try to tell her no. I'm the mom... It's not ok.
Thirdly... I can't hear a blessed thing in there! Seriously I'm lucky if I hear part of one of the readings or the homily. It's a happy day if I catch all of one or better yet both. Prayers? We have prayers? A few weeks ago we got good sound coming in and my husband and I both completely lost track of where we were in Mass... thinking the prayers of the faithful were the Lords Prayer and raised our hands like idiots because it's been so long that we completely forgot the order! Not only that... but I'd honestly forgotten we had those prayers at all...
I go in.. I chase my daughter. Make sure she doesn't hit anyone or shove little 8 year old boys around. Up and down (all at incorrect times) going after her... watching for food.. watching that she doesn't climb on anything or hit on the partition that's up. I deal with at least one fit thrown if not more... Go out to receive Communion and then back to deal with everything all over again before we leave. I end up completely stressed out. I miss actually going to Mass.
CAMP
6 years ago
I'm sorry that Mass has become such a stressful event for you! Our church is so small that we don't have a cry room. Instead, we rotate through some ladies of the church taking care of the little kids in the nursery (only those that parents choose to take back there). Then for kids 3-5th grade, they have a Wee Worship in another room that begins after communion. Many of the parents keep their children w/ them until after communion no matter what their age, but I just can't handle both of them by myself, which is the way it usually goes since Chris is either running the computer, singing, or not there. Oh, and one other thing that I love about my church is that we're so small that everyone knows everyone, so if a child makes noise everyone knows the child and either laughs about it or else does their best to help the parents calm the baby down w/o getting upset about it. I can't think of more than maybe one person in our church that gets annoyed by it, and he just gets annoyed by everything.
ReplyDeleteI do understand where you're coming from about the food thing. Esp people offering your child food. But I want to defend the offering food to a certain extent. Occasionally I take Kairi into services for a short period of time -- just the two of us. We have a very hard time with impulse control, so when she starts struggling with being able to be still or quiet, offering her a snack will help her calm down enough that she is able to function through the rest of the time she is in there with me. (One of the reasons she doesn't come in there with me very often.) I've noticed that several of the parents of kids Kairi's age do the same thing. It's not that they can't make it w/o eating (although for us, breakfast was a long time ago .... several hours ... and services usually coincide with morning snack time), but that the snack offers a distraction at this age helps the child not disturb the people around it.
Now, I'm sure that there are quite a few differences b/w your services and ours, but I just thought that I'd point out one reason why some parents may be offering food during services.
Oh I completely understand it being a way to distract them at their age. I use it myself in other places lol. We use the same method at Mass, just w/ different things. She's allowed a couple noiseless toys and books that we pull out when needed.
ReplyDeleteI just don't think it's appropriate at Mass. It's one of the differences you mentioned... I've been to coC services and seen friends our age pop gum and candy. (I remember being shocked the first time I saw that lol) For us it's different... it's a very solemn occasion. During the consecration we believe that the bread and wine literally become the body and blood of Christ. Because of that we are supposed to fast for a set time. Yes, toddlers are exempt from it... but to have them crunching candy during the Consecration (and Transubstantiation) is disrespectful. (Obviously not on the kids part)
We are actually at a small Church too lol.. and know just about everyone (husband does know everyone). In fact we're related to at least half. When they're toddlers no one does mind them running around and causing havoc (well doesn't happen in the pews, but still), the prob with the cry room is its the older kids too. My husband included lol.
I think a big part of it is actually the particular Mass we go to. We go at 11, the larger Mass (and normally I enjoy more because we have the choir and everything). But the few times I've been to the Sat night Mass or the 8 AM Mass things have been a lot better. Unfortunately husband works Sat nights now and 8 is early!
We've got to figure out something though... I have always loved Sundays and going to Church and I've started to dread it... Am completely stressed every week.
I have mixed feelings about the nursery thing too... We don't have one (but would be nice).
ReplyDeleteIn Lubbock we did... and the younger kids, I don't remember what the upper age limit was - but I'm pretty sure it only went to the grade preparing for First Communion, had a Childrens Mass in another room... basically it was kidded down for them and they would be brought back in right before Communion and have the last half(ish) of Mass w/ us.
Part of me, obviously, wishes we did here too... but growing up we never had that. We learned from an early age what was appropriate Mass behavior. My parents were really strict about it (which is apparently the problem lol.. I agree w/ them) as were all the others I knew. There was a huge change in that between home and Lubbock.