Off Kilter

I probably could have added this to the last post... but I didn't want to throw everything at you at once lol... Or write yet another huge post.

No, obviously for awhile things have been off. I've written about it before, or at least alluded to it. I haven't been interested in going to Church, which I normally love and look forward to. I haven't felt like praying. I've just been very disconnected. I'm not going to say its because of the subject of yesterday's post... but I bet it has something to do w/ it? Or (and) it could just be everything we've been hit with over the past few years. Some of it our fault (hello we knew we weren't married) and some of it not. My husband getting burned out from Church obligations certainly didn't help... nor did my dread of the cry room. My guess its its a mix of all of that with other random things thrown in. It doesn't really matter why though. At least I don't think so... We just need to fix it.

Backing up... I always loved being Catholic, but most of my family isn't... So I didn't grow up w/ many of the traditions or anything. In collage I was pushed to learn more about what I believed and why and realized there is so much out there to foster that in a family. I loved it. I even got this book of Catholic customs and traditions. I couldn't wait to have a family of my own to incorporate some (or quite a few) of those with. Until then I started a few of my own...

Only one went back to my childhood. The Advent Wreath. We'd made small ones in class one year, and I'd made sure to pull it out every year after. In college I made another one year (that fell apart lol) and then bought a nice one the next year. I love that tradition... Still do. I also did a little alter in my dorm room where I could pray... Had my Bible, rosaries and a crucifix. Around All Saints & All Souls I'd decorate it w/ pics of family members and friends who'd passed on... One year I even made the bread for Day of the Dead. I don't really remember any others, but you get the drift here.

I moved here and became Maronite... which I love. No complaints. But it turned all that upside down. For instance, try keeping an Advent Wreath when Advent is suddenly six weeks instead of four. We have completely different calendars... but because the Maronite Church is very Latinized there's not as many separate customs or traditions (there's the capital T ones... but not what I'm talking about). I've found one distinctly Maronite one... the Cedar Meal? But noone here does it... Most of the ones in my book and I've found can be used still... but like I said, it all threw me for a loop. And my husband not really being raised w/ these things (note, not saying he wasn't raised Catholic or anything... it just that they kept everything private between each individual and God kind of) it wasn't a big priority for him, or even something he's thought of.

Beyond that, we don't even pray together... I know he does, he knows I do... but still. So tie that into the baby and at first I was doing good w/ praying "with" her before bed... but over time (as things got worse) I started forgetting to or being rushed or whatever and before long we weren't. I have fixed that obviously. She even gets excited about it now... I've also started reading her childrens Bible story book to her (unfortunately is a little above her age level lol) and stuff like that. Taking baby steps I guess.

And then the other day my husband and I were talking about another religions holidays (having quite a few) and I jokingly said that we could celebrate every day if we wanted (is true.. .gotta love it) and after a few minutes mentioned that I had always wanted to do a few of them at least and stuff... and he told me to start looking into that and some family traditions that we could get started. I was shocked... I have no idea why I hadn't brought it up before... but all the sudden I'm feeling a little better about things.

Not going to say that fixes it all. It doesn't... not by far. But I'm slowly getting excited again, so that's something right?

Our plan was to go to the early Mass yesterday, which is shorter, fewer people and easier to handle. It didn't happen... Early Mass is, well, early... and we overslept. New goal of doing that next week... I hope that helps. Because if not we'll be standing the entire time in the fouyer (what happened yesterday) because cry room is not an option and I really don't enjoy my daughter yelling out boob while pulling up my shirt in front of everyone. I was mortified. However, I should have known better than attempt sitting in there since she was in a mood all day yesterday. Now that I've added that little tidbit lol, I think I'll set this to publish a couple hours earlier than planned lol.