Seriously... How to ask someone, politely and without them pushing you away, if their significant other is treating them right? =[ Ok, sad face was unintentional... the baby hit the keyboard but it works. Last time we really discussed it he definately was not... but being a teen you can't tell them... well anything.
Secondly... how to bring up the whole std issue? I know she's about to go on BC and as much as that bothers me... she knows the risks and hows and its her choice. My husband brought up charting on top of that... and she is interested in that. But as someone pointed out, she could turn that around to get pg if things go badly (same w/ BC though... she could stop it on purpose). I personally think every woman needs to know how to though so slight disagreement there lol. Still as a teen already making poor choices I see why she brought it up... but it also brought to mind does she think she can stop using condoms after they prescribe stuff? I'm hoping not, but she thinks this guy will marry her eventually. Through in the whole bi issue that's been hinted at... and I don't even know where to begin. I hate (hate hate) recommending any form of contraception... but you can still catch things and I don't know if she's considering that.
Uggh. I didnt think I'd need to deal with this before my girls got older... and as far away as that is... lol.
CAMP
6 years ago
I don't know exactly how you do that. In most cases I would just flat out ask, as nicely as I possibly can but still be blunt. But maybe something along the lines of "You know I love you so much and don't want to see you hurt. So what I'm about to ask I'm asking not to doubt you or your judgment, but just because it's good to always consider. Is XXXXX treating you right? Are they treating you the way you KNOW you deserve to be treated?" And even if it pushes her away for a short period of time, as long as it gets her to thinking about it, isn't that the most important part?
ReplyDeleteAnd I certainly hope that she continues using condoms even if she goes on bc! Not that bc is truly effective (nor are condoms) but at least there is a small (but not complete) protection against stds. Yikes!
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this so early on, but I know that you'll handle it the best you can and that your presence in her life will be a blessing -- whether you see that blessing now or later. (((hugs))) Good luck in dealing with her!
You are awesome. While I would love to agree with Steph I have a hard time in the situation with everything she said ;-). mainly because asking a teenager if there boyfriend is treating them right... especially since you know he hasn't in the past and she didn't feel like he wasn't may not be the best option because of course she is going to say yes (because people don't typically stay with someone who doesn't treat them right if they truely feel they should be treated better)... just my opinion. Anyway, I would maybe just talk to her. Ask how she is feeling, and how their relationship is going. Mention the example she gave you (or one of them) and ask if things like that are still going on. It is a very tough situation to be involved in and I am so sorry that you are dealing with it.
ReplyDeletesorry, i meant that I don't agree with everything that steph said... but I do agree with some of it ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks guys. I am going to talk to her and ask.. In fact I've been trying to get ahold of her for the past few days.
ReplyDeleteI figure I'm just gonna start out w/ asking how things are going with them.. and see where it goes from there. I'm a bit lost with all of this, but we'll see.